I think I’m a good parent, so I talk to my kids sometimes. The conversation I had with my daughter this week went like this…
I yelled at the TV, “I hate it! Why does this keep happening!”
Daughter: “What happened?
Me: “He’s trying to kill Alvin Kamara!”
Daughter: “Are you watching the Netflix murder documentary again?”
Me: “No, I’m watching Sunday Ticket and I don’t like Taysom Hill.”
My daughter (wisely) said, “Okay, I think I’ll leave it to you.”
Professional fathers tend to have these conversations. Perfect for toddler development.
Anyway, this week was another week where Taysom Hill murdered a fantasy manager. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, take a look at his game log (courtesy of FantasyPros).
2022
2023
2024
Honestly, it’s frustrating. Over the past three seasons, he has finished in the top 10 10 times and outside the top 20 15 times. No other career has been so inconsistent. Think about it for a moment…
If Taysom Hill were a surgeon, three out of four patients would die on the operating table, but he would still be able to give someone a third arm or bionic powers once a month.
If Taysom Hill were a lawyer, he could easily have defended the Menendez brothers, even though three out of four people would be sentenced to death for traffic violations.
If Taysom Hill were a contractor, his beds would almost always look like the ones built by Stepbrothers. But once a month, he would be featured on “Flip This House,” where he rides an old school bus and transforms it into a Beverly Hills mansion.
If Taysom Hill were a stock market investor, he would have single-handedly bought up his 401K in Enron and GameStop stock, but then he happened to run into a young Jeff Bezos in an elevator and buy what he was selling to a handful of investors. would have agreed. .
Anyway. Add your own Taysom Hill career comparisons at the end. I’m angry again so I’m writing this now. I also need to finish the Menendez brothers documentary, so let’s get started.
Fantasy MVP of the week
Well, it looks like the Ravens have figured out how to use Derrick Henry. After a very average first few weeks (for him), he has totaled 49 carries, 350 yards, and four touchdowns over the past two weeks, including literally rushing through the Bills for 199 yards. Including this week’s monster performance where he recorded . Henry is 30 years old, but it doesn’t matter. The team will have a week of practice to prepare him, including competing against a Honda Civic that can travel at speeds of 20 miles per hour.
This week’s fantasy LVP
Where did you go, Kyle Pitts? In four games this year, Pitts has only eight catches for 105 yards and one touchdown. This week he had the same number of catches as you, zero. I was personally hoping that the new coaching staff would actually utilize Atlanta’s best players on offense, but apparently the NFL has some sort of rule that prevents the Falcons from doing this. Here are the tight ends who are averaging more fantasy points than Pitts this season. Hunter Henry, Mike Gesicki, Tucker Craft, Isaiah Likely, Zach Ertz, and yes, Taysom Freaking Hill.
This week’s unbeatable lineup
QB Jordan Love GB = 389 passing yards, 4 touchdowns, 3 interceptions
RB Derrick Henry BAL = 199 rushing yards, 3 catches, 10 receiving yards, 2 touchdowns
RB Kenneth Walker SEA = 80 rushing yards, 4 catches, 36 receiving yards, 3 touchdowns
RB Alvin Kamara NO = 77 rushing yards, 7 catches, 42 receiving yards, 1 touchdown
WR Nico Collins HOU = 12 catches, 151 receiving yards, 1 touchdown
WR Jayden Reed GB = 7 catches, 139 receiving yards, 1 touchdown.
WR CeeDee Lamb DAL = 7 catches, 98 receiving yards, 1 touchdown.
TE Pat Freiermuth PIT = 5 catches, 57 receiving yards, 1 touchdown.
This week’s underdog lineup
QB Justin Fields PIT = 312 passing yards, 55 rushing yards, 3 touchdowns
RB D’Andre Swift CHI = 93 rushing yards, 7 catches, 72 receiving yards, 1 touchdown
RB Chase Brown CIN = 80 rushing yards, 2 catches, 12 receiving yards, 2 touchdowns
RB Justice Hill BAL = 18 rushing yards, 6 catches, 78 receiving yards, 1 touchdown
WR Dontaevion Wicks GB = 5 catches, 78 receiving yards, 2 touchdowns
WR Jordan Addison MIN = 3 catches, 72 yards receiving, 7 yards rushing, 2 touchdowns.
WR Josh Downs IND = 8 catches, 82 receiving yards, 1 touchdown
TE Tucker Craft GB = 6 catches, 53 receiving yards, 1 touchdown.
This week’s disappointing lineup
QB Matthew Stafford LAR = 224 passing yards, 1 interception
RB Gus Edwards LAC = 19 rushing yards
RB Zamir White LV = 50 rushing yards
RB Brees Hall NYJ = 4 rushing yards, 2 catches, 14 receiving yards.
WR Christian Watson GB = No catch
WR Laci Rice KC = No catch
WR Gabe Davis Jacks = no catch
TE Kyle Pitts ATL = no catch
This week’s least favorite lineup
QB Taysom Hill NO = 24 rushing yards, 2 touchdowns
RB Taysom Hill NO = 24 rushing yards, 2 touchdowns
RB Taysom Hill NO = 24 rushing yards, 2 touchdowns
RB Taysom Hill NO = 24 rushing yards, 2 touchdowns
WR Taysom Hill NO = 24 rushing yards, 2 touchdowns
WR Taysom Hill NO = 24 rushing yards, 2 touchdowns
WR Taysom Hill NO = 24 rushing yards, 2 touchdowns
TE Taysom Hill NO = 24 rushing yards, 2 touchdowns
gut check
I’m wondering if I need lathi rice for the rest of the season.
I would be worried if they relied on Jalen Hurts. Something is seriously wrong here.
I’d be worried if James Conner doesn’t think he can keep this up.
I’d be worried if they forgot about Nick Chubb.
I’m worried that I still underestimate Nico Collins.
I would be worried if he suddenly showed up at Brees Hall.
I’m worried about whether the Dolphins have the players they need right now.
I’d be worried if they ignored Brian Robinson’s play.
It would be worrisome to think that Kyler Murray is no longer a factor.
I’d be concerned if I didn’t think Bucky Irving was the best option in Tampa Bay.
I would be worried if they were relying on Christian McCaffrey. This is incorrect.
I’m worried if I thought I had Cincy’s backfield figured out.
I wonder if Brandin Cook will be needed soon.
I would be concerned if DeAndre Hopkins doesn’t seem to need another trade.
I’m afraid I’m ignoring Jerry Jeudy’s relative consistency.
I would be concerned if they drafted Caleb Williams over Jaden Daniels. It’s never too early to say that.
It would be unsettling to think that anyone other than Jaden Reed is Green Bay’s top target.
Now, I’d be concerned if you thought they weren’t trying to find a way to include DT Jaden Peavy.
I’m concerned about Zai Flowers’ need for consistency.
I’m concerned about whether I think Devin Singletary will be a good option.
I’d be worried if Tuba Hubbard didn’t think so now.
I would be worried if I missed the opportunity to buy DK Metcalf.
I would be worried if I missed out on Travis Etienne’s sales.
I’d be worried if they didn’t try to sell D’Andre Swift this week. difficult.
I’d be worried if you didn’t listen to me when I told you after Week 1 that this would be the worst matchup of the year for Amon vs. La St. Brown.
enjoy numbers
If this was the first week…
Geno Smith will be on pace to throw for 6,715 yards.
Jordan Love will be able to throw for 68 touchdowns and 51 interceptions.
Derrick Henry will be on pace to run for 3,383 yards.
Kyle Pitts is on pace to not catch a single pass all year.
Mark Andrews also dropped 17 passes without a catch.
Laci Rice will be on pace despite dealing with 17 knee injuries.
That means there’s no need to panic even after a week. This is a long journey.
Rookie top 10
Always check the latest rankings to see what’s new throughout the week. This ranking is just my personal ranking.
1.) Marvin Harrison Jr. WR ARI
I still think he’s at the top, but Nabers is quite the consolation prize, much better than The Price is Right’s party favor.
2.) Malik Nabers, WR NYG
If he misses this week, the Giants may not be able to score.
3.) Roman Odunze, WR CHI
I’m still impressed.
4.) Brock Bowers, TE LV
A better quarterback would make him the best tight end in the game.
