I’m 45 years old and I play a grandmother. Is it over already?
Dear Remy
I’ve been an actress for over 20 years and just recently landed a role in a new TV show. That’s wonderful. Except I was cast in the role of Grandma. I’m 45 years old. I still have abs, Remy! I do hot yoga four times a week, so I might be able to bench press with my 30-year-old co-star, but instead I’d do a scene by knitting or reminiscing about the “good old days.” Looks like he’s having a good time.
The actor who plays my grandson is 30 years old. I’m 30 years old! I could date him in real life (trust me, I’ve dated people in that age range, they’re more into it!), but instead, I’d date him in his beloved older I’m playing a grandma. I’m half expecting the next scene to be me giving him candy and telling him how I met my grandpa at Woodstock (spoiler: I wasn’t alive during Woodstock). did).
I’m worried about this. Will I soon be cast as the wise neighbor handing out casseroles or the quirky aunt giving cryptic advice while pruning roses? I’ve already taken on the role, but this is my What does it mean for the future? Should I start buying cardigans and shawls now? Do you have one or two walkers on standby?
your,
Grandma, not grandma
Dear Grandma,
That’s right. Hollywood has a fascinating habit of shoehorning actresses into “older woman” roles long before they’re ready. You may get more offers for similar parts by joining the Grandma Club. It’s not fair, but it’s the reality.
However, once you assume the role, focus on how to own it. What makes this character unforgettable? You have the chance to play this role in a way that completely subverts normal expectations. Think of it like your grandmother. It’s like the grandmother who does hot yoga, benches 200 pounds, and still posts thirst traps on Instagram.
It’s also about thinking long term. Sure, this role may be your first offer from Grandma, but you can control what happens next. Start developing strategies for taking on unconventional roles. A grandmother who leads a robbery herself? Who is the center of the pentagon of love? Who will serve as the president’s bodyguard during an alien attack?
Enables a variety of plays while maintaining vitality,
your,
Remy
Illustration: Russ Tudor
Help! My intuition has abandoned me!
Dear Remy
I’ve been a casting director for over 10 years, and for most of that time I’ve been the person everyone calls when they need an actor to work on a movie. I had a strong instinct that I could spot talented people from across the room, even if they were only there to drop a headshot. I once cast a lead actor based solely on the way he carried chairs out of the waiting room (it was deliberate yet soulful, reminding me of a young Gregory Peck). I’m happy to say that this decision, like all others, worked out for me.
And last year I made a big mistake. We were casting a male lead for a high-budget musical and thought we had found the perfect man. He was crying during the audition and had tears literally streaming down his face. And I knew I had won the gold medal. “This guy is going to win an Oscar,” I thought to myself. I’ll win an Oscar. We’re all going to win Oscars,” she said, as if channeling Oprah Winfrey.
However, once filming began and the cameras actually started rolling, it was as if someone had turned on a switch. His performance was so wooden that I half expected him to start branching out and for a family of bullfinch to nest inside him. It turns out that his big emotional audition was due to a severe bout of hay fever rather than any actual acting ability.
Suddenly, I completely lost faith in my decision-making. Now I can’t even decide whether to put oat milk or almonds in my latte, let alone cast my next star. Yesterday, I stood in front of my closet for 15 minutes and wondered if my 2010 shoes were ironically vintage enough to wear, or if I should buy new shoes. Remy, what should I do? Is my career doomed because of one man and some unusual pollen?
your,
cast drift
Dear Cast Adrift
It’s not over yet. Making decisions in casting means taking risks, and sometimes those risks can backfire. It’s impossible to be right all the time. If so, you’re not taking enough chances.
This feels like a huge deal because the results will be public, but let’s be honest: You didn’t make this decision alone. The fact that the director and producer supported you means everyone saw what you saw. That should tell you something: your instincts are still strong. This time I was just unlucky. We all face a day of reckoning at some point, and you should probably rejoice that the biggest enemy you’ve faced is pollen.
This one big choice shattered your confidence, so you’re second-guessing yourself in everything. What would be the best way to overcome it? Talk to your industry colleagues. Everyone, everyone, has made the wrong decision at some point. Amy Heckerling recovered from “Look Who’s Talking Too,” the Wachowskis recovered from “Jupiter Ascending,” and Ang Lee recovered from “Gemini Man.” It’s not a question of mistakes. It’s about how you recover from it.
I’ve built my career on trusting my instincts, so one failure won’t erase that. Go back to the field and make your next great casting choice.
warm,
Remy
I want to be part of a power couple, so why do I remain a power single?
Dear Remy
I’m a writer who has been climbing the Hollywood ladder hard for the past decade. I’ve written scripts for children’s shows, soap operas, anything I could get my hands on. And finally, we have entered the premium drama. We had a few options, and one of my scripts actually became a pilot and almost got picked. If you squint, you’ll see that I’m just honing in on my success.
But here’s the thing: All the big writers I respect are part of a Hollywood power couple. You know, the ones who date A-list actors or marry A-list producers. Not that I’m asking for much. I just want someone to help me navigate this city while looking great in a designer tuxedo. Someone my name can link to on Getty Images, or someone we can fuse together, like “Brangelina.”
I’ve been swiping through dating apps like crazy and everything was going wrong. There was a real estate agent, a software engineer, and even a sourdough bread making enthusiast. Remy, how can sourdough bread help me get to Sundance? I’m looking for a guy who understands that I can be someone in just two more scripts and preferably join me for a special after party.
Am I shallow? perhaps. But is it too much to ask for love and career advancement?
your,
power single
power single
If you want to be a power couple now, you just need to be a celebrity’s plus one. A power couple consists of two people who are both successful. Currently, you are still on the path. What’s the best move? Focus on your career first. Build a name for yourself. That way, if you succeed, you won’t need to elevate yourself by other people’s fame and you will be equal.
Balance and equality are extremely important in any relationship, especially one that is in the spotlight. Entering a situation where there is a huge imbalance, such as fame, success, or influence, can create tension and damage the relationship before it even begins. True power couples are built on mutual respect, and that respect comes from both people being able to be independent.
Career comes first. When you are ready, the right relationship will be built. It’s based on who you are, not who the other person is.
your,
Remy
***
Remy Blumenfeld is a veteran television producer and founder of Vitality Guru, which provides business and career coaching to top talent in the media industry. Please send your queries to guru@vitality.guru.
Question edited by Sarah Mills.
