My husband won’t stop naughty — help!
Dear Remy
We’re about to move into a tent in the backyard. My husband was once a dashing soap star on a Canadian show (filmed in Vancouver, so he was away from home for months at a time), but his career was cut short by COVID-19. The situation has been alarming ever since it entered a post-symptomatic slump. After not getting any auditions, he decided his calling was to be a YouTube prankster. And guess who his unwilling co-star is? myself.
In the past two weeks, I’ve gotten drenched by water balloons when I get out of the shower, found a fake spider in my coffee cup, and opened my front door to find what appear to be life-sized dolls of two little girls. I did that. From The Shining Staring at Me. The neighbors no longer stop by. That’s after her husband fakes a sinkhole in the ground in their garage and Mrs Hewitt’s cat disappears into the hedge in a panic.
By the way, our chiropractor used to love us, but ever since my husband pretended to “squeak” his back during a correction, he stopped answering our calls. I don’t know whether to support his creative endeavors or pause before he starts livestreaming my reaction when he turns our Jacuzzi into a ball pit. Help!
your,
Thank you, but please don’t play tricks on me.
Thank you dear. However, pranks are prohibited.
Your house looks like it’s about to become a reality TV show. Yet pranks seem to be only half the problem, right? It’s not just fake spiders and water balloons. It’s the fact that he puts all of his creative energy into pranks instead of pursuing something that could actually advance his career.
You are spot on. Would you be just as annoyed if he spent all this time writing scripts or planning one-man shows? Probably not. This isn’t about a prank video. It’s about feeling like his potential is being wasted. (And probably some of LA’s water resources too).
It’s time to talk to him about what the prank represents, and not about the prank itself. If he’s doing this as an outlet, you might want to encourage him to channel his creativity elsewhere. After all, one Logan Paul is enough in this world.
The best,
remy
Illustration: Russ Tudor
To self-cancel or not to self-cancel — that’s the question
Dear Remy
I have been in the public eye for 20 years. I can’t even buy toothpaste unless someone takes a picture of me as evidence in a federal lawsuit. I think I’ve come up with the perfect solution because I’ve already reached my breaking point. I’m planning to cancel.
I think all I have to do is make inflammatory statements. You can badmouth Beyoncé, argue that Dolly Parton needs to tone down her look, or start a petition to end Thanksgiving. Want to tweet about how puppies are overrated? I understand. If it gets cancelled, I’ll finally be free from the fame and attention that has suffocated me for 20 years.
I’ve done it well. As an actor, Bunny has appeared in a number of shows that mostly have over 60% ratings on Rotten Tomatoes, partied in VIP lounges all over the West Coast, and dated multiple playboys. But I can’t go anywhere unless the flash goes off. I once spotted a paparazzi dressed as Santa Claus near a trash can. I pretended to be there for the neighborhood kids.
Is canceling myself the worst idea I’ve ever thought of, or do you have any ideas?
your,
Cancellation attitude
Dear cancellation attitude,
Let’s take a break. Is it the freedom you are seeking, or freedom from yourself that no longer fits? The cancellation will not bring peace and will likely lead to even more scrutiny. Do you think paparazzi are relentless? Wait until the internet claws at you.
If you want to avoid the spotlight, there are quieter, less explosive options. Many celebrities have managed to disappear from public life by taking on small roles or leading more private lives. Look at Rick Moranis. Or Frankie Muniz. You don’t have to burn your reputation to escape. And if all the rumors are true, I definitely don’t recommend badmouthing Beyoncé at this point.
Quietly slipping out the back door may help you find the peace you’ve been looking for without the drama.
I pray for your safety on your disappearing voyage.
remy
Is it too early? Or is it better to just shut up and shoot?
Dear Remy
I have a really annoying question. I’m a director, and I just got offered a project that gave me hives. They want me to do a biopic of a beloved national icon. problem? He just passed away in 2020. His widow still posts tearful Instagram Stories about their last Christmas together, and their son dropped out of college to escape the media buzz.
I understand there’s a lot of commercial appeal here, but I feel like the guy’s family hasn’t even had a chance to look in his sock drawer yet. Am I being too sensitive or is it too early to make a movie about his life? After all, where does it end? A quick-release biopic? Do you make biopics about people who are still alive?
your,
Biopic or pass?
Dear biopic or pass,
You are not very sensitive. It’s not just that the man’s family hasn’t cleaned out the fridge yet. This whole project feels rushed. It’s like they’re trying to cash in on their grief while the tears are still fresh. And if his family is still coming to grips with the loss publicly, it will feel like pouring salt into the wound to immortalize him on screen before the wound has healed.
Is the purpose to celebrate his life or just to get some quick cash? You have to decide whether you want to attach your name to what feels like opportunism. If it doesn’t work for you, trust your instincts. Once the story is settled, I might tell the producers I’m interested for a few years. At the moment, everyone seems to need more time, including family members.
The best,
remy
Remy Blumenfeld is a veteran television producer and founder of Vitality Guru, which provides business and career coaching to top talent in the media industry. Send your questions to guru@vitality.guru.
Question edited by Sarah Mills.
