The opinions expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not reflect the views of her campus.
This article was written by a student writer from her campus chapter in Westchester.
Ever since I can remember, I’ve been someone who has had performance anxiety. I’ve never considered myself to be particularly “good” at anything, and I still don’t. This anxiety occurred during small tasks, such as public speaking, or during extracurricular activities, such as during a soccer game. Conventionally, this may not be true and I may be able to perform the task without issue, but it’s just how I feel. So when I decided to start going to the gym seriously in 2023, I knew it would definitely be a big journey for me.
The truth is, there is no good reason why you decided to start lifting. You can lie and say it’s because you wanted to take better care of your body or love yourself more. I think it’s probably because I always saw influencers in my FYP who were really into fitness, and they seemed to feel empowered by working out. I wanted to feel powerful. I knew that no matter how hard I tried, I would never look like the influencer on the screen because everyone’s body is different, but I knew that with effort I could transform myself into someone I didn’t recognize inside or out. It’s done.
I headed to the gym for the first time with one of my friends who has inspired me with her own journey. She totally helped me ease my nerves on the first day. We were on summer vacation and it was hot outside. I remember the gym being full because it was school holidays. This certainly was somewhat intimidating for me, I felt like I was being watched by everyone. She reminded me that everyone starts somewhere. Even now, when I feel down, I think of her advice. The first time I rode a lift with a friend, I stepped out of my comfort zone. She was much stronger than me, but that was okay. I made sure to pay attention to the different workouts we were doing and always asked questions. For over a year now, I’ve been doing the same workouts split up. Because it still works and it’s like muscle memory.
At the beginning of my journey, I would definitely say that I preferred going to the gym with someone, but it took me a few months before I really appreciated going to the gym alone. Now I just go by myself and immerse myself in my own world for 90 minutes every day. Since school has started this year, I’ve been planning my day to treat myself to the gym before dinner. It’s true that I feel lonely sometimes when I’m alone, but in a way, I feel like I’ve grown as a person by doing so.
Growing up I struggled with self-esteem and always had huge doubts about myself in everything I did. I think this goes back to the performance anxiety I mentioned earlier and explains why I sometimes feel this way. You could say that’s still the case, but it’s gotten much better and even friends and family have told me they’ve noticed a change. The funny thing is, I never thought I could do that just by going to a public gym every day and repeating different exercises, but it happened. Working out has pushed me both physically and mentally, but I think I’m stronger mentally. Not only did I have to adjust how I took care of my body during my workouts, but I also had to train myself to eat better, sleep better, and change my overall mindset. .
However, I had moments where I felt overwhelmed by the lifestyle I had adopted. If you were to take a week off due to illness or find yourself unable to lift as much weight as you would like, you’d immediately have doubts. Why was I doing all that in the first place? My biggest criticism of “gym culture” is its extreme all-or-nothing nature.
There are unspoken rules in the gym community that try to convey an “all or nothing” attitude. There are influencers with physiques and personas that would have probably cost hundreds of dollars in real life. I see them in private gyms in LA and on clothing sets that would probably blow my entire paycheck. While this image is aesthetically pleasing, it is not ideal for the average person. It was, and still is, difficult for me to accept this truth that the “world of fitness” is not just an all-or-nothing pursuit. I’ve always thought that anything I do in life is going to be one extreme after another, but in reality there are many important things in between. I may feel great one day after a workout and not feel as accomplished the next, but that doesn’t preclude the effort I put in.
No matter how much we control ourselves, be it genetics or environment, we may never be as toned as the models we see on our Instagram feeds, and that’s okay. In reality, their lifestyle never matched mine and is not ideal, but over time it became easier to understand.
Overall, I am forever grateful for the support I have received from friends and family, even if it seems small. It may not seem like I’m working 5 out of 7 days a week, but to me, I know I’m working. I’m so proud of myself for dedicating my time to something that is so healthy for me, yet so challenging. If you had asked me this a year ago, I would have never imagined that it would last this long. So I encourage anyone reading this to find something you’ve always wanted to do and see where it might take you.
