Like many women, I’ve always had a complicated relationship with ambition. As a young millennial, I was taught that getting good grades would get me into a good college and get a good job. Of course, once I reached those milestones, the urge to stay “good” kept me on a constant hamster wheel of ambition. And sure, it came with praise and external validation (although it was never enough to satisfy a perfectionist who ebbs and flows on a recovery journey), but I I found myself unable to sit down and take any time to stop and breathe. That’s why when I picked up Jennifer Romolini’s Ambition Monster, I was ready to feel seen. But I wasn’t ready for this book to change my life so much.
Featured image from Michelle Nash’s interview with Iskra Lawrence.
Interview with Jennifer Romolini, author of Ambition Monster
In a world that often equates ambition with relentless drive, the conversation around what that means for women has never been more important. As we renegotiate what success looks like in our careers and lives, many of us want to chart a path that aligns with our true desires. In Ambition Monster, Romolini bravely unravels the complexities of ambition. That’s how it can fuel our professional aspirations and at the same time cause us to struggle with self-doubt.
It wasn’t just her insight, but Romolini’s fearless personal reflections on her professional ambitions that led to the eye-opening epiphany. Her sharp humor, combined with the honest and often brutal truth of putting one’s ambitions above all else, sparked my own spark of realization. In the post-girlboss era, where hustle is no longer cloaked in millennial pink, this book served as a roadmap to living a meaningful life beyond the pursuit of success.
Mr. Lomolini will now share the revelation that inspired this fascinating and thought-provoking book. She encourages a shift in perspective and redefines what ambition looks like in our lives, unfettered by the limitations of external pressures. Dive into the conversation below.
“Ambition Monster” explores the dark side of ambition, especially in women. What inspired you to approach this topic so openly?
I’ve been moving very fast and hard in my career for over 10 years, but after a health crisis forced me to slow down, I realized how rubbish my life actually is. I started noticing. How little time I had with family and friends and how lonely, sad, and isolated I felt, even though to the outside world I seemed to have it all.
Successful people rarely talk about this. In this country, we tend to confuse professional success with happiness. I wanted to pull back that curtain a little bit because I thought it might help other women who are similarly staring into the abyss of their careers and thinking, “Wait, is this all there is to it?” is.
Workaholism is often glorified, especially for women who try to “have it all.” How do you think this impacts women’s mental health and relationships, both personally and professionally?
What often happens is that we get caught up in this one-size-fits-all illusion of success. We imagine that a life that looks good to the outside world, doing what we think we “should” bring us satisfaction, but what actually makes us the happiest, or at least the most satisfying? All you have to do is understand who you are and what you want. . We then use that information to plan our own course. In the race to achieve, we can abandon our truest needs and desires, leading to disconnection from self and others, burnout, and a kind of numbness that rots the soul. .
There are cultural narratives that link a woman’s worth to her accomplishments. How do you think stories fuel addictive ambition, and how can women begin to free themselves from it?
One way to avoid blind overwork is to be very realistic and intentional about the kind of life you actually want to live, and how to make peace with that life at all possible sacrifices. is to learn.
What is important to you? What do you want to spend your time doing? Does your work allow you to live your values? What steps do you need to take to live a better life of meaning and connection?
I love working, but I’ve also had some very toxic “dream” jobs that I should have left years earlier. Sometimes I worry that if we get off the ride, they won’t let us back on. They haven’t considered whether they want to go on that ride in the first place.
In a world where success is often equated with burnout, do you think women can find a healthy balance between ambition and happiness? How do you define that balance?
The questions I just raised will help us get closer to balance. Also, never say “yes” when you really mean “no.” I’m being a little stereotypical here, but in my experience women tend to be much more eager to please than men. We are fixers, and we crave the positive reinforcement that comes from achieving unrealistic goals, working harder than necessary, and doing a better job than necessary. Part of this is systemic. In a patriarchal society, we have to prove ourselves more than men. But I felt a huge sense of relief in breaking this “good girl at work” cycle and bringing more of my B game to work. It’s an unimportant task, and it’s not that important overall.
What do you hope readers take away from Ambition Monster about the psychological costs of relentless ambition and the potential to redefine success on your own terms?
My hope is that workaholic readers will walk away with the urge to blow it all away, re-chart the trajectory of their lives, and prioritize themselves with curiosity, joy, and joy over work whenever possible. I’ve heard from several readers who have incorporated my book into therapy. I can’t think of a better compliment.
